Wednesday, November 30, 2016


Last night I had a panic attack.

I looked around at everything in sight and suddenly felt completely overwhelmed.

All I saw were unfinished projects,

Things to be done,

And work that was never accomplished.

I felt like a failure.

I thought:

My business isn't growing much.

My social life is basically nonexistent.

I am good at some things, but never great at anything.

I get excited to start projects, but I don't finish them.

For example, this blog started off with a lot more consistent posts than it has now.

My business social media is now losing followers because I am slacking on the marketing.

Etc. etc.

At least these were all the things I was telling myself last night.

I was telling myself that I could never succeed.

I was believing my critics and ignoring my supporters,

With myself being the greatest critic of all.

I wondered if my writing style was too "all over the place".

I questioned if I should even write at all.

"Maybe if I wrote in paragraphs it would be better", I thought.

Or maybe I shouldn't be so straightforward about my beliefs.

Recently, I had someone tell me that I repeated myself too much in my writing.

I also went back to read a few blogs and found several typos.

"Why does anyone even want to read this if I mess up so much?", I thought.

Not to mention, I recently applied for a copywriting job and was rejected after interviewing.

...Just icing on the cake.

So with that being said, the thoughts eventually evolved into a full-blown panic attack.

Of course, here I am writing a blog about it.

You may be wondering why I would do such a thing.

Well, after I freaked out, I started to realize something.

I realized that I stink at writing, and I stink at business, and I fail at life.

The End.

Just kidding..well kinda.

Here's the catch.

I do stink at everything I do UNLESS I am passionate about it and using it to encourage others.

I stink unless I am doing it to show the love of Jesus to a hurting world.

I stink if I am sitting around telling myself I stink and not being who I am called to be.

Yes, I just used the word "stink" a bunch of times in a row!

And no, I'm not using paragraphs because structure isn't natural for me!

But guess what?! That is my style and it is the best way I can get the words out of my head.

This is how I feel comfortable sharing my thoughts.

What counts is if my writing is an encouragement to those who read it.

I could be a horrible writer and I could get rejected by the whole world but as long as I am trying to help people, then I know that I am not a failure.

I know because God told me what I need to do to succeed in this life already in His Word.

He tells me that I am good enough.

He doesn't say I have to be the best at everything or have a growing business, or even make money for that matter.

He just says to do what He has called me to do.

That's it.

Now what is it He has called me to do exactly?

Oh yes, He says to love people and to spread the gospel to the ends of the earth.

Ok, so now I just need to focus on that?


I decided last night that I am making a transition.

I'm done being overwhelmed with trying to "make a living".

I am finished trying to prove my identity through what I do, rather than through who I am.

It has come to a point where my business and my goals aren't helping me reach my calling.

I have been so focused on trying to make sales, that I have forgotten my business is supposed to primarily exist to encourage others and point to Jesus.

It may look like it is still centered around that, but my own heart isn't there anymore.

I have been caught up in the orders, the products, and the marketing.

I haven't been passionate about it for a long time and I've finally realized that it isn't helping me love people, but rather it is keeping me so overwhelmed that I can't focus on others at all.

Moreover, I am not taking care of my own needs and my health is being affected.

So I am going to make a change.

I have decided to go back to what I know God has called me to.

I know He wants me to lead others in worship, participate in international missions and use my words to inspire.

Anything that takes my focus off of those three areas is just going to have to end.

Yes, even my business.

I am shutting it down.

All in all, I feel relieved.

Of course I will be sad to lose my business, Modest Gold, after all I have done to build it up for the past couple of years.

It feels like so much work will just disappear,

But at the same time, it feels right.

I learned a lot along the way.

Honestly, just trusting God to provide could be the key to all of this.

For years I have worried that I could possibly get stuck in a mediocre job doing something I hate forever.

I have feared being tied down, but now I see that He just wants me to be content at all times.

Ironically, I lose my contentment when I try to do everything on my own.

If what I do is keeping me from building others up, or if it is causing me to feel torn apart then it isn't worth doing at all.

This is going to be a big change for me.

I think I might finally regain my social life, rather than being busy all the time.

I think this blog will be much more fulfilling because I really do enjoy encouraging you all.

Maybe I won't be the best writer in the world but that doesn't mean I'm not good enough to do exactly what God has placed me here to do.

In fact, I am the very best me and no one else will ever be my rival because my purpose is unique.

Yours is too.

So let's stop worrying about how many followers we have online or how much money we are making.

Let's just do what we are called to do and build each other up.

Let's love like it's all the matters in the world.

Any thoughts coming from the enemy are lies.

All of those thoughts I was having last night and honestly for quite some time now, have been lies.

I am not saying that I will never think another negative thought again, but I do believe that filtering out the distractions in my life will help me focus on being still more often.

Stillness is the solution to a renewed mind.

I am surrendering the fear of living a mundane life to God.

I am done trying to make my lofty dreams happen, if it keeps me from presently acknowledging Jesus.

I am believing that He will give me the desires of my heart as long as I delight in Him, and not in my own talents or work ethic.

He is able to do exceedingly more than I could ever imagine.

My dreams are in His hands, and I am choosing contentment over chaos.

Yes, I may have uncompleted projects and to-do lists lying around but I love God more than I love that stuff and I love people more, too.

The best part of all is even if I feel like things are unfinished in my life, God is not finished with me yet and He has a much better plan for me.

Not only that, but He will complete every single thing He has ever started and it will all work together for good.

He will do the same for you.

So I encourage you to come with me on this new journey and give up anything that is occupying your mind to the point where you can't fulfill your calling to encourage others and be a light.

It could even just be negative thoughts about yourself that you need to get rid of.

Trust me, I have struggled with anxiety and depression for a very long time so I know how thoughts can be hard to control.

The key is to get rid of the root of the anxiety that is causing you to think poorly of yourself.

Maybe you are setting the standards too high and never feeling capable, like I have been lately.

Whatever it is, give it to God.

So far, I already feel a weight lifted off of my shoulders after last night and I hope you will too.

You know, maybe I did repeat myself too many times in this post,

And maybe I went off subject a few times.

Sorry, I'm not perfect and you know what?

For once I am beginning to believe that possibly my imperfections are perfectly ok.

"Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained." Philippians 3:12-16
"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 

Always love,

D A R C Y 

Thursday, November 10, 2016


Alright, I'm going to try and keep this as short as possible.

They say it's better to be silent than to say too much.

I've remained silent through this presidential election for the most part.

To be honest, I just don't like to get in the middle of everyone's debating.

We are all different.

In fact, I took this personality test once at a missionary conference I attended in the Netherlands.

It was a test to see which role each person would play in a team setting.

My role was "the harmonizer".

I like harmony.

Harmony is good.

I like it when people are able to come to a consensus and a compromise.

I like it when we can all get along and agree on a solution.

Unfortunately, I concluded that I was unable to convince Team America to come to a unified decision.

I have seen many people who are still trying to though.

Here's a quick reminder, the election is over.

That means you can't change the results.

Just throwing that out there.

Anyway, I decided to remain silent.

I did, until now.

I wasn't going to post any type of political response whatsoever but then I figured my blog is my family.

Hopefully, I can speak from my heart here and harmony will still exist.

Did I mention I like Harmony?

It is very good.

Alright, back to keeping it short and simple. Here it goes.

Ok let's be real, the "United" States is completely divided right now.

Miraculously, it is almost perfectly divided in half.

I am blown away by what I have been reading and watching the past couple of days.

People are angry, furious, terrified.

I don't think there has ever been such hatred toward political candidates before in history.

Not to mention, the hatred toward each other in general.

Everyone is calling everyone else ignorant.

It reminds of the movie The Incredibles when the evil villain wanted to take over the world with his masterplan to get rid of superheroes by making all of the humans super and shouted, "If everyone is super, no one will be!! Muahaha...ha..ha".

Except in this case if everyone is ignorant, no one will be.....muah...ha..right?

Or maybe everyone really is ignorant,

Or maybe there are just levels of ignorance,

But who's to say what ignorance even is?

So why do we all feel entitled to call each other ignorant anyway?

Maybe no one is actually ignorant, but rather just uninformed on every single concept...

Ahhhh ok that's enough, my brain hurts.

Moreover, I believe that this is the new evil plan.

The plan to make us all hate each other and make us all ignorant in each other's eyes.

"Whose plan?", you ask.

"Oh, the evil villain."

"What villain? Trump? Hillary?", you ask.

"No. Satan."

"I don't remember seeing a 'Satan' running for president", you reply.

"Well actually Satan is the prince of evil, but he is trying to be king over all*."

"Who else is in the running for king?" you ask.

"No one. God will always be King but Satan still believes he can overrule Him".

You see, Satan wants us to be against each other. He loves division and hatred.

He wants us all to call each other ignorant and blame each other.

He wants us to feel scared and vulnerable.

So, Donald Trump is President.

He is also human.

He is the leader of America and he needs prayer.**

Not only does he need prayer for guidance, but also for the evil that will be coming against him.

It doesn't matter who you are, evil will always come against you, especially in a position of leadership.

My point here is, let's try to come together and understand that people aren't who we should have our hope in.

People are people.

They can only do so much and they will never live up to our expectations.

Yes it is good to be informed and educated on the issues,

But we can talk and talk about issues, forgetting that our hope needs to be in God.

We shouldn't try to figure out every single problem and assume one person will fix it all.

We should be handing the issues over to our King and letting Him lead us.

America is great when we put our hope in the right place.

If not, we are lost, confused, and living in constant anxiety.

"In God We Trust", that is the key to our peace.

Satan will try to make us trust him.

He will tell us lies and make us believe that horrible, unspeakable crimes like murdering babies are not sins.

He will deceive and demoralize.

He will destroy and convince us that we do not have to be responsible for our actions.

He is the opposite of justice.

He wants us all to fight and be at war with one another over all of this.

I urge you, don't let him win.

America can have harmony and we can individually make the change happen.

The future of this country doesn't depend on one man.

It depends on the people as a whole.

We can be unified if we love one another.

Each person has to act on the future they want to see every single day.

So what can we do daily to be great again?

Let's go to the main source for the answers.

The source that was given to us way before America was founded.

The source that provided direction to those before us and continues to provide for us all.

As always, let's go to the Bible.

Love your neighbor

The best way to have harmony is to love one another. Love changes things. It can change a city, a country and even the world. Calling each other ignorant and constantly tearing each other down is not loving. Satan wants hatred and evil. He wants to stir up anger but the way we can stop it is through loving and recognizing that people are not the problem. God loves people and wants everyone to be saved. We need to see the world through His eyes and know that Satan is the source of any evil, not people. People are for loving, evil is for hating. Loving each other is God's greatest commandment to us all, not condemning each other.

"And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31
* "And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—" Ephesians 2:1-2 
"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm." Ephesians 6:12-13


The President needs our prayers. The United States needs our prayers. The world needs our prayers. We cannot be successful, safe, or smart without the wise guidance of The Lord. The verse below is a command. It is telling us to be "thankful" for authority, no matter who it may be. This is how we can live in peace among each other and among the rest of the world. I am thankful for President Trump and I will be praying for him, will you?

** "First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way. This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth." 1 Timothy 2:2-4

Trust in God

If we want God to bless the United States, as He has done for many many years, then we need to trust in Him. It's really that simple. We need to put our hope in Him, rather than people, and He will be faithful to us. God already overcame the world through His Son, Jesus. That means there is no need to worry because it is already finished and if God is for us, then no one else can be against us!

"Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not turn to the proud, to those who go astray after a lie!" Psalm 40:4 
"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 
"What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us." Romans 8:31-34

Oh, and just a tip....

Remember not to spend all of your time talking about your political opinions.

Ok? Because that can be embarrassing,

But you didn't hear it from me (look below).

"A fool takes no pleasure in understanding,
    but only in expressing his opinion." Proverbs 18:2

"Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise;
    when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent." Proverbs 17:28

Always love,